«There is no I without a you; there is no you without a we.»
Martin Buber
As human beings, in the many different areas of our lives, we are constantly called to find a balance between the dimension of the I and that of the We, between expressing our individuality and being united with others. In the space between the I and the We lies our possibility, both as individuals and as a community, to face our daily challenges and to flourish. This is the paradox of togetherness: to fully express our individual potential, we must intertwine it with that of others. No one truly flourishes alone—we always do so in relationship.
Each of us has an intuitive awareness of what it means to be part of a system of relationships. We first experienced this in our family, in our school classroom, in our group of friends. But what does it really mean to talk about relationships? It means that Who always comes before What, even before Why.
In complex contexts, such as organizational environments, we often face problems with multiple causes, which can be observed from different perspectives and for which no single correct solution exists. To address them, we need to draw on a form of intelligence based on collaboration, one that uses the power of We rather than that of I. Many people think that speaking of We means having shared goals, common working methods, and well-defined processes and roles. In reality, the true We emerges when each I is given space to contribute their personality, offer their point of view, and reflect back their perspective on the other’s contribution.
The journey to becoming “more of a team” is not a path about what, nor even about why, but about who. When organizations create structures and functions that operate through silos to carry out certain tasks, they are identifying who does what, consciously or unconsciously defining a relational model, not just an operational one. There comes a time when dividing work by tasks and functions is simply no longer enough—it no longer supports business development, the generation and shaping of new ideas, cost reduction, or making customers (internal or external) happier. Nor does it help organizations grow and project themselves into the future.
We magically happens when people connect, pause, and truly listen to one another with an open mind, without judgment, looking at things as if for the first time.
Over the years, I have worked with hundreds of teams and I have seen this process happen many times. Every time a group of people has been able to bring a We to life, it has been because each person was given the space to bring their own I.
Organizational and mental structures are usually the greatest obstacles to change. It is difficult to look beyond functions, assigned areas of expertise, and the prejudices we hold about others. Over time, trust often erodes, sometimes it breaks, and everyone starts operating independently. For everyone, it becomes easier to simply perform their own role without getting into unnecessary complications and slowdowns by trying to connect with others.
An old saying goes that alone you go fast, but together you go far. How often does initial speed turn into slowness? Talking about We does not mean “getting people on board,” but co-creating solutions that take everyone’s point of view into account. The smartest people I have met over the years were not those who had an answer to every question, but those who knew how to listen, showing awareness of their own “blind spots.” Those who, despite their organizational position, know there is something important they cannot see.
Moving from I to We first of all means starting to look at others, recognizing them, and connecting. Real change, being a team as people like to say, means opening up and crossing a boundary that is both organizational and mental.
My work consists in creating a space where people can see one another, confront each other, and bring tensions and conflicts to the surface. Almost never is this transition completely painless. When everyone finally has the space to express their personality, their interests, motivations, and points of view, all the distances between them emerge. But it is precisely these distances that allow a relationship to exist. Space is what defines who we are.
Collaboration is almost never something natural. If it is not natural at home, imagine in a company. Collaborating is a choice that means recognizing our need for others in order to achieve something that matters to us. Opening up to encounter does not mean hugging unconditionally, but listening without prejudice to what the other brings and showing ourselves. It means putting our interests on the table, facing conflict head-on, and expressing our differences even strongly. It means working within distances and tensions, which can become opportunities to explore paths different from those of the past.
Recognizing that we do not have enough power, intelligence, resources, and relationships to do everything alone is the foundation of collaboration. The groups I have seen fail to move from I to We are those in which people never truly exposed themselves. These are situations where the majority in the room believed they did not need others. In those cases, to be honest, there is very little that can be done.
The power associated with closure can only generate aligned, flat, colorless, pale Wes. Too many Is overly convinced of themselves, like those found in some management teams, can only operate by looking in the mirror. This generates just as many divisions throughout the organization, creating terrible slowdowns, frustration, and cynicism.
As I once heard, companies need fewer mirrors and more windows. Less Ego and more Is willing to open up to others. Not only because this helps solve problems better, but above all because recognizing our limits and opening ourselves to others is the only way for a community to place itself in the best conditions to shape its own future. The future always happens with others. Who always comes before What, even before Why. And this is how, almost by magic, a group finds itself becoming a team.
